Sick Day...

I apologize for the long delay in posting on my other blog pages, for those that are reading this page in addition to the other pages as well. I have been pretty sick these past few days and have been devoid of the mental energy required to venture the land of chaos and insanity. I've had a severe sinus infection which has also ever so easily brought about bronchitis...again. 
I may go into that story on Tale of an Arctic Shrew once I've regained that mental energy, or The Periodical Chaos, if I can make it humorous enough to be worthy. Oddly enough, coffee is not even giving me the boost it usually does. I am feeling a bit better than I did though. 
For now, here's another poem. This one I wrote sometime ago, it is a little melancholy, but I'm getting those out of the way before I give you the other ones...hmm...
Anyways, I wrote this one thinking about if this time came, would I have regrets? Would things end on a bitter note with ones I care about? It's somewhat written to my best friend. 
When I wrote this poem, I felt that if this time came, I would not be ready to say goodbye. I wasn't ready for the song to end on such a sad note. I felt that no matter how hard I tried, I could not become someone pleasing to him. Still, that's not the way I wanted it to end. 
I suppose I wrote this poem in expression of my wishes vs. my reality at the time. Things have changed quite a bit now. I think a lot of it has to do with hope, which I never would have found without his help and the help of other dear friends of mine along the road I've traveled.
Memory lane should probably close now, so here's the poem...




I'm Not Ready

The blood trickles
I watch it flow across my hand
My eyes gaze for a moment as the shock sets in
I get up, try to walk in disbelief, as I collapse to the cold ground
Fading away
And in that moment, I'm screaming silently
I'm pleading

I don't want to die
I haven't made you proud of me yet
I didn't do what you wanted me to
I'm not satisfied with who I am
I haven't done what needs to be done

I'm afraid to die
With you disappointed in me
Leaving our song on a bitter note
A sad note
Having hurt you the way that I did

This isn't how I wanted to go
I want to see everyone again
I want to assure each one of them

There's so much I should've done, but didn't
And more I shouldn't have, but did
I'm so sorry
Now I'm sorry
I wasn't sorry enough before
Sorry enough to make the changes I needed to make
And now look at me
Now my repentance fills me
When it's too late...

So here's to the chances I took for granted
Here's to the changes I never made

I can feel myself dying all too quickly
As I cry inside, petrified
Because I feel myself fading
Mortified, fighting with everything I have inside of me
Every breath left inside
Fighting to stay
Watching helplessly, as my eyes ease shut
The pool of my blood dancing, growing around my head
The melancholy sight of blood mixing with tears of regret
The feet rushing, gathering together to watch the sight
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