Try

Here is a poem that I promised to a new friend of mine. I thought this was very fitting for my friend because I feel like she could relate to this. I wrote this years ago, to express my own battle, but I also wrote for those fighting the same fight. I'm not really sure what else to say right now, other than that I wrote it hoping for it to be an encouragement to others. I suppose most of my poems are written for this reason. To really express my feelings but often times, those feelings are tied to others around me, friends, family, etc.
This has been something that over the years, when I went through many feelings or thoughts I couldn't express to the ones I wanted to (for various reasons) I would write them down and lock them away. I suppose many times I felt I couldn't even share the poems with them because although the poem overcame the challenge of sorting out these feelings into something that hopefully makes some degree of sense, I still couldn't share the poem with the person because it didn't feel like the poem would accomplish the purpose they were written for. That maybe the person wouldn't understand the feelings behind it. These were things I locked away in my mind. I rarely shared my poems with anyone because there wasn't much of an interest in poetry, so it really didn't have much meaning to most (that did read them). I guess that's around the time I stopped sharing them, before writing them down in this book...on that note, I think I have once again said...way...too...much.
Here's the poem.

Try


I tell myself, "I'm tired, but I can not let go.
I can not, I can not let my fear show.
People can not see my fears.
For in time, they'll only want to see my tears,
and they'll know how to hurt me, how to break me down."
I say, "All they long for, is to see my frown."
Someone wake me up, please!
For the good things, I should focus on these
I'm always negative, why can't I do right?
Well, I now promise to Jehovah, I will try with all my might
I know I'm not perfect, I will make mistakes
But my honesty to Jehovah, I can not fake
The devil hits me hard, and as I fall to the ground
I'm thinking to myself, "That's it, I'm going down!"
As I sit there, covered in dirt
Crying from the hurt
Jehovah holds his hand out and says, "Do not be afraid.
For if you have faith in me, you will not fall to his blade."


So I get up, and strike back with all my might
As he pauses, he says, "I can see this is going to be some fight."
So he pulls out his blade again, and with a quick sweep, leaves a deep cut
It hurts so badly, but knowing my very thoughts, Jehovah says, "Please, get back up!"
As I think to myself, "How can he forgive me, I've failed him so many times, my stomach turns!"
Then he says, "Don't you think that's my concern?
My dear child, I love you very much, and I know it burns.
I know you love me, and to fail me is not what you yearn.
But you must not give up, for I've warned you of his traps,
and I've told you how to counter his attacks.
Do you remember? If not, I've left you a manual."
As I read, I didn't find it consequential
But then he told me, "Take a moment, and think."
Then I found the broken link


Before I jumped back into the ring,
he reminded me, "Remember what you have when you feel like you're losing your footing."
I thought carefully, and replied, "With your help, I'm ready."
I jump back in to see
Standing there, my enemy
He swings, misses, swings again, a hit! But I remained steady
Jehovah provided me with great friends
That'll hopefully remain with me unto the end
This is where you come in
After the test, I came out on top, and Jehovah said, "You remained steady.
I'm very proud of you, I know you are ready."
So here I am, beside you, climbing uphill,
with the determination not to sit still
If we fall, I pray we get back up
Jehovah is here for me
He's here for you too, I hope you see
We've made our oath,
and our Father loves us both
So Satan may try to take away everything,
but he can never take away our integrity!
When we fall, and feel like we're stuck,
I hope we make the best decision, the one to get back up!
© copyright 2002